A puppy and A calf

A Puppy and A Calf

Once upon a time, a puppy and a calf are good friends. The puppy likes to watch the floating white cloud, so does the calf. But the reason that makes them to become friends is not only because they share the same interest but also because for both of them the quality time is their most favorite love language. That's why they are together everyday and are talking and sharing about the size, the color, the floating speed of the clouds as well as other daily news takes place in the old farm. However, most importantly, they find that they are most satisfied with each other when both of them are awed by the magnificent beauty of the unbelievably infinite changes of the shapes of the cloud. Other animals are envious about their friendship and call them peas and carrots in that old farm.

One day the calf was driven to carry some goods during the night. It is the first time that this calf left his cub and saw the stars in the sky. He was immediately amazed by its twinkling brightness in the dark velvet sky. He told himself, "I will come out to see them every night." Since that night, he cuts off  his time of gazing upon the cloud during the day time significantly in order for him to take a nap and have the energy to see the stars at night. A couple of days later, the puppy noticed the changes that happened to his friend. He noticed that his friend didn't spend as much time as before watching the changing clouds anymore. Neither did he talk much with him. Sometime there was not even a single conversation between the puppy and the calf in a week. A couple of times, the calf even got very impatient and angry with the puppy when the puppy took a long time to describe to the calf the different animal shaped clouds he saw outside in the summer. Although the calf apologized to the puppy each time after he was angry or impatient with the puppy, the puppy was becoming  more and more concerned about their friendship. 

Finally the puppy decided to do something to save their friendship and took the courage to ask the calf if he agrees to talk with him at least once per day so that their friendship can be maintained. The calf  nodded because he also noticed that how much he valued this friendship with the puppy and also wanted to take the effort to reserve this relationship. This new rule "communicate once per day" was established.  The puppy was happy since he thought he could at least talk to his friend everyday even though they had the different interests right now. However, the calf didn't reduce his obsession of the stars any less than before the rule was enacted. He was still going out to spend a long time during the night to watch the stars and that made him very tired during the day. The calf is famous for his commitment to keeping the promise. Therefore he managed to find time to fulfill the rule "communicate once per day" faithfully. 

Unfortunately, the puppy felt that there were something that got lost in their communication after they had that rule. Before he could talk to the calf whenever he wants; now he has a fixed time slot to share with the calf. If the conversation is too long, the puppy will find boredom and impatience in the calf's face. Before he could talk to the calf a couple of times a day; now he has to accumulate all he wants to say during the day and share his feelings and observation about the cloud in that fixed time slot. Before the calf always asked the puppy a lot of interesting questions, but now he seems like that he doesn't like to ask the puppy any questions. The puppy found that their relationship hasn't made any progress for a  while although they keep the rule perfectly well.

The relationship with the calf made the puppy to realize one thing, a true loving relationship can not rely on rules to either maintain it or deepen it. If you don't have a heart to nurture the relationship, it will be not going to grow no matter how well you keep the rule. After the puppy had this realization, he said to himself, "I cherish my friendship with the calf so I will use my heart to water this relationship. I will go to tell the calf that the rule should be abolished. No rules between us any more. Only Love! "

A widow and two rich men

Hi YM,

我是Paul, 不知道你是否介意Doreen把你下面的这封邮件转发给了我，我看过之后心中有一股强烈的冲动想给你写一封回信，可是因为我的自私，我的懒惰，我珍惜自己的时间，我想完成每天给自己订好的学习任务，所以就一直压制着内心中这股冲动，一直拖到现在。可是今天晚上，我再也忍不住了，神借着Teresa修女的话语拿走了一直以来蒙在我眼前的那块黑布，让我看到一个事实：其实这七天以来我一直盘算着要告诉你的话，我应该先给自己讲一遍。

我想给你讲的只是一则小故事，故事的主人公是一个穷寡妇，财主A, 财主B和耶稣，群众演员是耶稣的门徒，以及群众甲和群众乙若干。这个故事发生在一个炎热的夏天，在教会奉献箱的门前，聚会刚刚结束，又到每个月缴奉献的时刻了。这时走过来财主A, 是个大腹便便的家伙，他从怀中拿出一包银两，拿在手中掂了掂分量，然后款款放进了面前的奉献箱，潇洒地回头，转身，嘴里哼着小曲走会到原来他站的地方，得意洋洋的看着其他的人。这时从人群中快步走出第二个财主，财主B还没有走到奉献箱面前，就迫不及待地解下了系在腰间的一个大布袋，一边走，一边拆开封口，等他刚刚走到奉献箱前的时候，就哗啦一声把一布袋的银子都倒在了奉献箱中，乒乒啪啪的声音响了好一阵，等声音过去之后，财主B昂者头高声大和道，"一切荣耀归给主"，引起周围观众的啧啧赞叹之声，耶稣的门徒和其他的围观者就开始小声的议论起来，"真是个敬虔的人"，"愿神祝福这个慷慨的人吧"。这时财主B优雅地转过身来，用目光瞟了一眼站在旁边已经气地满脸通红的财主A, 嘴角往上微微的翘起了几秒钟，然后就低下了头，走回了人群中，这时从后面的观众中又飘来一些只字片语，"看人家财主B多谦卑啊"， "就是，不像财主A, 自以为自己还很蒙神祝福呢"。 财主A实在是无法忍受这些飘过来的小刀，把把都似小李飞刀般地准确，分毫不差地戳入了他的心肺，但他仍旧脸上堆着笑容，快步离开了人群。这时财主B看见财主A灰溜溜地离开了，他也踱着方步，背着双手，向家仆和马车的方向走去。接下来每个人都按照自己荷囊的重量，自觉的排好了队伍，一个接着一个的把钱放进了奉献箱中，有些人面露喜色因为他排在他好朋友的前面，有些人把荷包掂了又掂，摸了再摸才小心翼翼的把钱放入箱内。

就这样人慢慢地走光了，天色将近黄昏，刚才站在人群最外围的一个妇女终于来到了奉献箱前，这时没有走的就剩下耶稣的12个门徒了，因为他们说好在这里等他们的老师耶稣。门徒们认识这个妇女，她好多年前就开始守寡，一把屎一把尿的养活着三个孩子，生活过的很是拮据。这时12个门徒大家心里就都开始怜悯起这个妇女，都想上前劝导她，让她把钱留下，因为这时奉献箱里已经有很多很多钱了，多到甚至有几枚铜钱都掉在了地上。这位妇女踏着小碎步慢慢地走到奉献箱前，环顾了四周没有什么人在围观，就从里衣里拿出一个手帕，当她再次确定周围没有人看的时候，她打开了那个叠的很整齐的手帕，里面有两枚铜板，她用双手缓缓地将这两枚铜板放进了奉献箱，脸上洋溢着幸福地微笑，她小声的告诉神，"谢谢天父，靠着你的恩典，全家有吃有穿，都很健康，而且还有节余可以奉献，谢谢父神的供应"。说完后，就折起了手帕，转身走了。门徒们看着她离去的背影，发现她因为劳累已经驼了的背似乎直起了许多。

妇女刚走，耶稣就回来了，门徒们急忙把刚才大家捐奉献的事情七嘴八舌的告诉了耶稣，他们这个夸奖财主B的慷慨和敬虔，那个痛斥财主A的骄傲和俗气，另外一个又激动地告诉耶稣这个教会多么的兴旺，和他估计今天收到奉献的数目，正当他们兴奋地继续谈论的时候，这时耶稣问他们，"你们觉得那个穷寡妇呢？" 门徒们都依依地摇着头说，"其实教会已经收到这么多奉献了，也不差她的两个小铜板，我们当时都准备去劝她不要奉献了，她过的不富裕呢" 耶稣听到他们的议论后，抬起头，看着那个寡妇离去的方向，缓缓地对他的门徒说，"我实在告诉你们：这穷寡妇投入库里的，比众人所投的更多。因为他们都是自己有余，拿出来投在里头，但这寡妇是自己不足，把她一切养生的都投上了。"  《剧终》

圣经中有这个故事的简洁版，如果有兴趣可以参考马克福音12:41-44. 为什么我说这个故事是需要讲给你听，也需要讲给我听呢，因为今天之前我只看到别人有问题，但是今天神让我看到我自己也有同样的问题。自从去年年底开始，我内心中发生了一些变化。去年年底之前我的计划一直是开一家很成功的公司，赚多多的钱，让多多的人看到一个成功的基督徒商人是怎么蒙神祝福的，然后再把所赚的钱扣除维护自己看的过去的生活标准所需要的部分剩下的拿出来全部用在教会的发展和慈善事业上。在这样的愿望下，我和两个朋友一起开起了公司，开始超这个方向努力。可是去年年底的时候，我意识到好像钱能解决的问题太有限了，很多人不缺钱，但是活的一点都不幸福，而且钱的影响持续的时间太短暂了，所以我开始想做一点更大的事情，对别人的影响更持久，对别人过上更幸福的生活更有帮助。终于，在上个圣诞节到来的时候，我绞尽脑汁地想到了一个目标，我为之兴奋了好久，也给自己规定出了为能达到这个目标自己需要每天实现的小目标。所以从新年开始到现在，我每天都勉励自己勤奋地在自己的目标上奋斗着，并不觉得有什么问题，反而觉得自己在给主做工，将来必得赏赐。但是一直到今天, 当我看到修女Teresa的话语的时候，我知道我错了。她说，

" I think today the world is upside down, and is suffering so much because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life. We have no time for our children, we have no time for each other, there is no time to enjoy each other."

"Love begins at home; love lives in homes, and that is why there is so much suffering and so much unhappiness in the world today...Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.

"

"I see God in every human being. When I wash the leper's wounds, I feel I am nursing the Lord himself. Is it not a beautiful experience?"

" "I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like, but I do know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will NOT ask, How many good things have you done in your life?, rather he will ask, How much LOVE did you put into what you did?"

"

""Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat." 

"

" "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." 

"

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world."

"I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness."

对不起，我引用了这么多修女Teresa的话语，可是就是这些朴实无华的用生命活出来的话语让我看到我自身的问题，第一段，第二段虽然在讲家庭的危机，但是如果把教会比做我们的家，我们都是家里的弟兄姐妹的话，这两段话同样适用。这封信，这个财主和寡妇的故事本来是七天前就想讲给你听的，可因为我为了自己设定的目标，拖延了七天直到今天才愿意花一个晚上的时间来给你写这封长长的信，在这个大家庭里的弟兄姐妹每天也是各奔东西的忙碌自己给自己设定的目标，没有时间去关心需要关心的弟兄姐妹，就连来自弟兄姐妹的关心都忙的无暇顾及，忙到不懂得如何欣赏和感激这种爱。我的目标听起来是崇高的，为着主，我在按部就班的每天完成着我的既定目标，可是当有弟兄姐妹需要帮助或者我看到他们需要帮助的时候，我却给自己找理由说我需要先集中注意力先实现这个目标拿到这个条件，然后我才具备了能力去侍奉主，去帮助主的孩子，殊不知Teresa说她在给一个麻风病人洗伤口的时候，她就感觉到自己在服侍主他自己，我很羡慕她的态度，我做不到。

其实耶稣在圣经中已经讲得很清楚了，诫命中最大的第一就是爱神， 第二就是爱人。可是当我去追求自己的目标的时候，我以为是在爱神，可是当神的民有需要呢，我却一再的推迟，我太在乎自己在有生之年是否能做许多看起来蛮有效果的事情了，然而我忘记了主看重的是我对神的爱有多少，我对人的爱有多少。就像耶稣一语道破天机一般，那个捐两个铜钱的寡妇比众人所捐的总和都多，造物的主不缺钱花，他想要的是我们对他100％的爱。

信已经写到很长了，估计你看到这里都快睡着了吧，挺住！快完了:)  今天当我看完Teresa的ppt之后，我最喜欢的一句话是 "I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness." 好了，写完了，去睡吧，祝你晚安。下面的总结陈词部分可以明天再看。

总结陈词：

看到冬梅本身对CE Tax Law这门课的反应就知道这门课不轻松，里面有很多的压力。而且听到冬梅提到你的春季健身计划，感觉很棒，加油，加油！这是我给你写的第一封邮件，所以有必要交代一下我的背景，我妈妈和我朋友都说我说话很损，不会说造就人的话，所以如果这封信有言语上得罪你的地方，请一定要见谅，不要因为我的信的缘故，断绝了和冬梅的朋友关系。特此申明，此邮件只代表本台观点。但是我写这封邮件的目的只有一个，就是看到你下面的邮件，想到了上面这个故事，想讲给你听，而且碰巧今天又对Teresa特别有感，所以发了不少言。最后一句话，"耶稣基督靠爱赢得人的心"

愿你学会在神的面前卸下一切的劳苦重担，

弟 兄

李 璞

外婆过世了

外婆过世了

我的外婆昨天早晨过世了, 因为我远在厦门无法奔丧的缘故, 今天我才知道这个消息. 当妈妈告诉我的时候, 令我感到奇怪的是, 我并非非常的悲痛, 伤心, 当然也没有一丝一毫的愉悦庆幸, 只是感觉到一种惋惜, 一种乌云覆盖着大地遍地阴翳的心情.

外婆, 82岁, 一辈子是个好强的女人, 生了8个子女, 除了大儿子生病很早去世之外, 其他的儿女们都被她调教的很好, 日子一个比一个过的红火, 而且更加难能可贵的是不但是儿女们就连媳妇女婿们也是个个都很孝顺, 很敬重她. 打我记事起, 她就一整天忙个不停, 厨房是她的舞台, 在厨房中她不但能煮出可口的饭菜, 那里也变成她跟她的儿子, 儿媳, 女儿, 女婿, 孙子们情感交流, 谈心解闷的有质量的时间（Quality Time）. 我还记得每次我进入厨房的时候, 都能够听到他们在谈论工作的话题, 相夫教子的话题, 为人处事的话题. 在我印象中, 很多次当舅舅和舅母两口子怄气了的时候, 外婆会先找儿媳谈, 帮助她分析事情的起因, 经过, 以及小两口双方彼此的心态, 然后再在一个单独的场合跟儿子谈, 把儿媳的心态和角度讲给儿子听; 同样的, 要是女儿跟女婿闹矛盾了, 外婆先会聆听很久女儿的心情, 然后总是在最后会劝女儿, 在一起生活哪能没有磕磕碰碰的, 哭一场发发怨气就好了, 日子还要好好的过; 要是外婆看到我也在厨房, 她也会不失时机的问我学习的状况, 一再的叮嘱我要听我妈妈的话, 不要总是惹她生气, 好好学习之类的话. 她是一个劝人和好的人.

外婆说起话来很朴实, 朴实到其实我现在品位起来有些话都算得上是粗话的范畴, 但是我又能苛求什么呢, 外婆小学都没有读完, 我好像没有见过她写字的 （部分原因是她总是在忙家务）. 但是如果把社会当成是一所大学, 把她所教育的子女和她所营造的家庭当成是她的毕业成绩的话, 我想她一定是优秀毕业生, 因为到目前为止, 所有她的七个子女都拥有幸福的婚姻家庭和工作, 她的孙子孙女辈们也都兢兢业业地在学习,工作和生活, 所有儿女辈, 孙子孙女辈已经成家的夫妻中到目前为止还没有出现任何婚姻破碎而离婚的状况, 而且就我妈妈（外婆的四女儿）和爸爸的婚姻来看, 他们相亲相爱的程度很多时候都让我觉得我是个多余的人, 他们恩爱了二十多年, 就在去年他们还兴致高昂的去照相馆补照了时下新婚夫妇们很流行的婚纱照, 很多的posture我感觉不会输给刚刚准备结婚的新人. 她的子孙们所有的这一切都跟外婆淳淳善诱般的教导, 身体力行般的以身作则和我也不知道她从哪里学来的人生哲学是分不开的. 我还记得一个很典型的例子, 现在想想真的是非常赞赏外婆的智慧. 当时我在初中的时候学习成绩渐渐有了起色, 初中升高中的考试中发挥的也好, 之后我就被舅舅舅妈们用做他们教导他们孩子的榜样, 一直到后来我表弟在家里变的非常的沉默寡言了的时候, 外婆发现了这个变化, 有一次就趁着所有小孩子们都出去的时候, 严厉的批评了这种教育方法, 并且劝告她的儿女们学习成绩不是最重要的, 要看到他们孩子们的其它优点, 然后她一一列举了我表弟,表妹的优点. 那次谈话发生之后, 又有一些小规模的类似的谈话, 之后我做为榜样的功能才渐渐的淡去. 这些都是我妈妈告诉我的内幕, 当时我也没有多想这样做有什么重大的意义, 但是现在重新回味外婆所做的所说的, 钦佩之心油然而生. 我想这就是为什么所有她的儿孙们都很敬重她的原因所在吧, 妈妈说昨天在搭设灵堂的时候, 就连我的两个叔叔们都过去帮忙了, 要知道我的叔叔可是外婆女婿的弟弟, 按常理是没有任何义务和责任帮忙的, 但是因为外婆的人缘好, 昨天虽然下着小雪, 零下二十多度的气温, 可是我的两个叔叔也跑过去自愿的帮忙了. 

我没有非常的悲伤很大的一个原因是因为去年12月我回家的时候, 亲眼目睹了外婆是如何被病痛所折磨的, 所以想到她痛的呻吟和抽搐的模样, 想到她因为长期服用止痛药而损伤了大脑从而产生健忘并对我反复说同样的话的状况, 其实在我内心的某个角落我为我外婆的走又感到一种解脱, 我感觉外婆的肉体已经拖累外婆很久了, 现在她的灵终于得了释放.

可是被释放的灵会去哪里呢？外婆生前在拜观世音, 但是只是拜拜而已, 谈不上对佛有多少了解, 可是我肯定她相信轮回转世一说, 但是轮回转世荒谬之处就在于, 一个相信它的人在生前对他死后去哪里是没有确信的, 像我外婆一样, 包括我以内的很多人认为她是好人, 做了很多的善事, 但是按照不杀生的原则, 外婆一生在厨房操劳, 难免杀鸡杀鸭无数, 那么她是个坏人吗？究竟谁会按照怎样的标准评判我外婆灵的去处呢？是在佛祖面前摆有一个天平, 把外婆所做的好事放在一端, 把她所杀的鸡鸭放在另外一边, 如果好事的一端重她就投胎去富人家, 如果鸡鸭的一头重就头胎去穷人家吗？听起来像一出滑稽剧.

当我最初听到外婆去世的消息的时候, 我第一个感觉就是惋惜, 惋惜的是她还不认识宇宙真正的造物主, 不认识天上的父, 我想去年12月有可能是我外婆第一次听到神, 耶稣的名字, 但是太晚了, 当时她已经失去了思考的能力, 整天只能说些重复的话. 经上说, "信我的得永生". 那么我的外婆的灵究竟去哪里了呢？我不知道, 我想除了那个保管生命册的羔羊外也无人知晓. 古人作诗道, "亲戚或余悲，他人亦已歌. 死去何所道，托体同山阿." 也许这是陶渊明的豁达, 也许是他在无奈的状况下的阿Q精神, 但是从我外婆去年一直挣扎到昨天的经历可以看出, 人不想死, 哪怕是正在经历病魔的折磨, 外婆还是久久地努力着在跟死神做殊死地搏斗直至昨天. 也许"亲戚或余悲，他人亦已歌"不久就可以印证, 但是每个人的死却不是"死去何所道，托体同山阿"这么的简单, 不管你认不认识主, 每个人面见主的日子都必须向他交帐. 

外婆是我祖辈,父辈中第一个去世的亲人, 我想随着时间的推移, 这个人数会逐渐的增多, 站在今天, 我为我外婆的去世感到惋惜,  因为我不能确定的知道她的灵的归宿, 可是我如何才能不为我其他的亲戚的过世不感到惋惜呢？求主能眷顾我的这个大家庭, 能眷顾冬冬的大家庭, 眷顾所有现在还没有相信你的每一个人, 让他们在有生之年都能确信的知道自己死后灵的归宿.

写在外婆去世的第二天

以此文纪念我善良有智慧的外婆

Love that hurts

"Ring, Ring, Ring", Victor woke up immediately and it is 5:20am. Today is Valentine's day and it is the time that he has an phone call with his girlfriend. Turned on the Skype and cleaned his throat, he expects a happy conversation with her since they have not talked for almost two days. As expected, she is there. "How wonderful!" he said with his blood pressure going up and his eyes widely open.

"Happy Valentine's day!", her girlfriend greets him with a big smile. All of sudden, Victor is reminded that not only cannot he be together with her tonight but what's worst, her busy class schedule and the stupid time zone problem prevents them having a phone call the whole day. Consequentially his blood pressure goes down and happy emotions fades away. As the conversation goes, Victor learns that her study is very heavy and she probably needs to continue to finish her assignment after the phone call. Sympathy mingled with complaint, two equally strong emotional forces are torturing him intensely. Feeling sympathetic is because she is bearing a lot of pressure from her class and he can not help at all; feeling complaining is because he feels that their quality time is constrained again in a time frame. He wants to be with her the whole time, not a portion of her time. He wants to let her enjoy the conversation with him to the point that she feels time doesn't matter. 

However, the Creator gave him a  very special girl. Not only is she as logical and rational as a stereotyped man would be, but also does she enjoy learning. This character trait is one of her many beauties which attracts Victor at the first place because she is so different from other girls. However, at this moment, he only wishes that it would be wonderful if she didn't think so rationally and if she could forget time and responsibilities and could think emotionally.  At the end of the conversation, Victor tries to persuade her to escape one session of her classes so that she could come back earlier to have a phone call date. She replies that Valentine's day is not very significant and she didn't feel comfortable about escaping a class just for this day. Then the conversation ends. She looks very tired and his heart  is almost as cold as the air outside the window.  No wonder so many Victor's friends told him that this winter is especially cold. 

When Victor is taking a shower, he feels confused. He loves her, cares her and tries really hard to spend time with her because many relational books say that girls need her companion be a good listener. At the same time, she loves him, cares him and works very diligently to find as much time as she cold afford  to communicate with him.  But why did the conversation end up with feeling dissatisfied for both of them. "Love, it hurts", Victor signs, "why do we feel hurt when we love each other so much? When I am not talking to her, my mind fills with her image and want to talk to her so badly to the extend that I feel hurt; when I am having delicious dinner without her, I feel guilt that she can not enjoy the meal with me; when I am talking with her, my heart can easily get agitated because of my unspoken expectations on her; when I find we have not communicated for two or three days, I complain about her absence; when I notice we only have a limited time to talk, I feel constrained and still complain when I can talk to her with no time limitations. "   

When Victory dried himself, his heart was so heavy because he knew that his love make her tired. The conversation this morning neither bring any enjoyment to her nor any alleviation to her pressure from schooling. What's frightening is that Victor notices that he becomes a complainer and can easily get angry over a small thing. She is living under fear and she spends more effort coaxing him from angry than enjoying his company.

"Love, it hurts not only me, but also her." Victor signs again. "What is the way-out?" he starts to ask himself this question, "what am I doing wrong? Should I keep the love from intensifying itself? Can only the lukewarm love last?"  

It says, "LOVE is patient and kind; LOVE is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. LOVE does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. LOVE never ends …"  As Victory recites these verses, they opens his heart like a sun shine is finally shinning through the thick dark cloud. "I am loving her with my own ways.  My love to her causes resentment and bitterness in my heart. This love needs to be changed. Or it will end."

How happy is Victor after he got this new revelation. This is the second Valentine's day he is alone by himself since he has her. But this year he does not feel lonely at all.  Even though he knows that she is not persuaded by him to escape the last session of her class today and he knows he will not be able to talk to her today, maybe she is right about that Valentine's day. It is just a normal day. 

When Victor starts his day of work, he says to himself that he will learn to love her with her ways, and he will try not to put any selfish expectations on her any more. Outside the porch, the sun appears. He feels warm again.  

Duty vs Joy

诗篇37:4 "又要以耶和华为乐"

哥林多后书 6:10 "似乎忧愁，却是常常快乐的"

尼希米记8:10 "因靠耶和华而得的喜乐是你们的力量"

诗篇36:8 "他们必因你殿里的肥甘得以饱足；你也必叫他们喝你乐河的水。"

诗篇43:4 "我就走到神的祭坛，到我最喜乐的神那里. 神啊，我的神！我要弹琴称赞你！"

诗篇16:11 "在你面前有满足的喜乐，在你右手中有永远的福乐"

马太福音25:21 "可以进来享受你主人的快乐"

希伯来书 12:2 "仰望为我们信心创始成终的耶稣。他因那摆在前面的喜乐，就轻看羞辱，忍受了十字架的苦难，便坐在神宝座的右边。"

to "love mercy" (not just do it,   Micah 6:8),   "好怜悯" 

to "show mercy with cheerfulness" (  Romans 12:8), "怜悯人的，就当甘心。"

to suffer loss "with joy" in the service of prisoners (  Hebrews 10:34),  "因为你们体恤了那些被捆锁的人，并且你们的家业被人抢去，也甘心忍受，知道自己有更美长存的家业。"

to be cheerful giver (  2 Corinthians 9:7), "各人要随本心所酌定的，不要作难，不要勉强，因为捐得乐意的人是神所喜爱的。"

to make our joy the joy of others (  2 Corinthians 2:3), "我也深信，你们众人都以我的快乐为自己的快乐。" 

to tend the flock of God willingly and eagerly (  1 Peter 5:2) "不是出于勉强，乃是出于甘心"

to keep watch over souls "with joy" (  Hebrews 13:17). "你们要使他们交的时候有快乐"

Desiring God 

"But not only odes the pursuit of joy in God give strength to endure, it is the key to breaking the power of sin on our way to heaven."

Matthew Henry 

"The joy of the Lord will arm us against the assaults of our spiritual enemies and put our mouths out of taste of for those pleasures with which the temper baits his hooks. "

C.S. Lewis, 

"If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you asked almost any of the great Christians of old he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative ideal of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire.  

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Desiring God "Then Let Me All My Pleasures Tell" (http://www.desiringgod.org/dg/id88.htm)

My Dear Friend,

        当我今天早晨收到你这封来信的时候, 真的好想坐在你的对面, 跟你一起来探讨一个话题, 这个话题太大了, 我自己不知道怎么样才能表述清楚我的意思, 所以花了一早晨的时候又重新温习了一遍John Piper Desiring God 的前言部分和第一章. 你刚刚看到的第一页所摘录的经节和名人名言都是从这本书中摘录下来的, 把他们放在一起, 是为了方便我们阅读和讨论.

 

当你说, "不知道我在逃避什么，当日子过得越来越安稳起来的时候，就不愿意再背负十字架."  你说, "然后，我就开始不愿意像先前那样祷告了——每次都是从自省和认罪开始；我不愿意读经了——以西结书里充满对列国的惩罚，哥林多前书中写满了"你们不要……"；我开始逃避思考" what will please my Lord?" 反正就随心地活着，让逻辑和理性放假，给枷锁束缚的神经松绑，我活着，呼吸着，过着俗人的生活 （mundane life），祷告与不祷告、读经与不读经、思考与不思考，反正日子照样过，似乎并没有区别。"

C.S Lewis 是这样说的,  "The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire."  Lewis跟你一样, 也发现了在新约中有很多, "不要, 不要" 之类的自我否定的话, 我忘记了自己从前是否有这样的经历, 就是说只关注到了这些"不要"经节中所携带着的负面色彩, 但是Lewis却还发现了除了自我否定之外的另外一个层面, 那就是我们照那些经节去做的时候, 这些经节中所包含的一种吸引人的渴望. 也就像在希伯来书12:2中所说的那样, 耶稣基督不仅仅是为了满足天父的旨意出于责任感才愿意背起自己的十架, 甚至被钉死在十架上, 他这样做完全是"因那摆在前面的喜乐". 那么喜乐到底是什么呢？我不知道主耶稣的是什么, 但是从我自己的感受讲, 就是当我所有的需要天父都满足了的时候, 换句话说, 就是当我在神面前感觉到完全满足的时候, 我是最开心的, 最有喜乐的. 所以我感觉自省认罪的祷告和悔改的祷告诚然非常的重要, 但是我们每次祷告的中心却不必只放在自己的自省和悔改上,  因为没有一个人是完美的, 没有一个人配得神的恩典, 但是神就这样白白的给了我们, 因此我们应该在耶稣基督里得到的更多的是满足, 而不是因为跟神的律法比较之后产生的挥之不去的内疚感. 内疚感是耶稣在山上宝训中所提到过的七种压力之一, 研究发现长期的内疚感会影响到我们的神经系统. 

C.S Lewis这样说到, "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak." 我感觉这句话说的太好了, 很多时候我匆匆忙忙的就开始了一天的生活, 也没有亲近神, 当一天结束的时候, 我躺在床上, 想想自己一天所成就的事情, 感觉到非常的满足. 但是其实我的这些成就跟神的应许真的是差的好远好远. 然后接下来的几天, 等我吃到跟神远离的亏的时候, 又不得不回到神的面前, 去了解, 默想他的话语. 当我自己不读经, 不祷告, 不默想的时候, 我感觉自己挺像那个玩泥巴的小朋友, 自娱自乐地就沉浸在玩泥巴的快乐中, 不去追求那个去海边度假的机会所带来的喜乐. 

求主让你和我都能有一颗极大的追求喜乐的渴望, 这样的渴望不会让我们只满足于自我肉体的舒适, 工作和学习带来的成就, 自己已经得救的事实带来的自义和优越感, 求主让我们像主耶稣一样, 为着那个摆在我们前面的喜乐而愿意背负我们的十架, 求主让我们亲身经历你属天的喜乐, 让我们不再是因着一个基督徒的身份而去读经, 去祷告, 而是因着我们对属天喜乐的渴慕和追求而去过着圣洁的生活.   

你说, "有一个声音在说：'难道做一个基督徒，就是每天看自己是罪人，背负重担地生活吗？？何必要这样过活？如此沉重！只要日子过得安逸，何必思考那么多？什么属灵的异象，品格里的渣滓，何必为这些看不见、摸不找的东西庸人自扰？你怎么就知道神不是要你自由而快乐，轻装上阵地过每一天？不要考虑太多，不是很好吗？' "

我相信当你听到这个声音的时候, 是撒旦趁你身体软弱, 在袭击你的时候. 因为到今天你还没有从感冒中完全恢复. 我很感谢神的是你昨晚的顺服, 愿意写下这些内心的声音, 并且愿意与我分享. 我坚信谎言是不能暴露在太阳底下的, 当你把这些话语说出来的时候, 他们就都烟消云散了, 你同意吗？当你读到这里的时候, 还会被这些问题所困扰吗？John Piper说, " I do not say that loving God is good because it brings joy.  I say God commands that we find joy in loving God. ("Delight yourself in the Lord," Psalm 37:4).  I do not say that loving people is good because it brings joy.  I say that God commands that we find joy in loving people ("Let the one who shows mercy do so with cheerfulness,"   Romans 12:8)." 我想无论是在我们思考神话语的时候，讨论属灵异象的时候, 还是努力的祷告想清除我们品格中的渣滓的时候, 我们都不应该出于一种责任和义务, 或者是出于一种自我素质提高的动机, 就像我们吃饭一样, 当我们是因为义务去吃饭的时候, 我们会吃的很没有味道, 或者当我们想减肥而特意吃一定的饮食的时候, 我们也会感到特别的苦, 唯有我们真正的处于喜欢一道菜而去吃的时候, 我们才能够吃的津津有味, 就像你现在对拨拨鱼的想念. 

总而言之, 我同意你最后的一句话, 耶稣来是让我们得自由的, 他来是让我们得快乐的, 他来是让我们背负他的轭, 因为他的轭是轻省的, 他想让我们轻装上阵地过每一天. 马太福音6:25-34就是最好的教导, 不让我们想太多, 忧虑太多.

我的朋友，在你信的将近末了的时候, 是这样说的, "我趴在地上，任信心的树苗未被浇灌，在干旱中苟延残喘。我趴在地上，等待着被一顿拳打脚踢打醒。这时，自律、自省、自觉，丝毫不能拯救我。在属灵的层面上，里面的懒散和松松垮垮是外面的包装无法改变的。不知道为什么，就这样突然之间远离信仰十万八千里！依稀记得一个月前，刚刚读完耶利米书，那时，一股同样无法名状的烈火在心里熊熊燃烧，巴不得把生命烧干了，献给主！可是，一个月之后，如同做了换心手术一样，我的心变了，对祂不再有激情……"

我还历历在目的记得前一段时间你的激情, 所有我相信当这几天属灵的低谷过去的时候, 你又会信心百倍, 对神充满着渴慕. 也许熊熊的大火本身就决定了它不能长久燃烧, 也许我们需要把激情转化成爱, 这样才能让它烧的长久. 可能就像男女之间的关系一样, 刚开始被对方所吸引, 关系中充满激情, 可是随着时间的延续, 激情一点一滴的都转化成了醇香的爱情, 像酒一样, 越久越香甜.

还有, 你看到"自律, 自省, 自觉" 里面有什么共同的地方了吗？我刚刚发现, 它们都有一个"自". 如果一个人掉到了一个深坑里面, 他如果只靠 "自" 己的方法要救自己出来, 要么很辛苦, 要么不成功. 在这个时候, 我们何不靠神的力量, 让他拉我们出这个洞呢. 也许我们觉得自己恶贯满盈不配让神搭救我们, 可是如果神愿意拯救这个不配的我呢？他愿意亲自下到这个洞里来, 让我出去, 我想光靠这点, 我都应该每天的欢喜快乐. 因为我已将忧虑和内疚留在坑里, 已经靠着神的赦免和救恩拖去了罪的长袍, 出来的已经是一个轻盈的我.   

在信的最后, 你问到这样一个问题, "What happened to me? Good or bad? Growth or regression? What will happen next? 迷茫不可测的明天！"

今天早晨我读到Desiring God 第一章的时候, John Piper 花了很大的篇幅在论述神不但掌控所有好的事情的发生, 他也掌控所有坏的事情的发生. 我相信一个月前你燃烧的激情是由他点燃的, 现在你身处信心的低谷也是他所允许的. Good or Bad? 如果万事相互效力的话, 那么就不存在是好还是坏了, 因为谁能说发生在约伯身上的整个经历是坏的事情呢？我觉得神既然允许它发生了, 那么这段经历就能够给你带来益处, 不过还有一个大前提, 那就是你和我要每天的学习去爱主. 你觉的呢？

明天是不可测的, 但是因着天父的缘故, 我觉得应该不算迷茫, 因为天父对爱他的孩子们的祝福的应许是我们有福的确据, 虽然我们不知道去哪里, 但是像亚伯拉罕一样, 我们知道自己去的是一个流奶与蜜的地方. 更美妙的是, 在去这片迦南美地的旅途中, 我们会同奔天路，虽然几经周折, 但是最终我们会到达那里, 蒙神极大的祝福.

就写到这里吧，我最大的盼望是能鼓励到你, 希望你读完之后能够得力，能够从这次信仰的深渊中被神拯救出来。

你的弟兄，

璞