Love Letter 6

Dear Daddy,

Thanks for the wind this morning. It is so fresh. I love how it feels on my arms. Thank you also that I have a dry place to live to keep out the rain. Thank you that my friend Jordan is so eager to spend time together, even to accompany me to get acupuncture. Thank you that Jordan also helped me to discover the cause of that technical problem yesterday. Thank you for the block of time last night to study Chinese uninterrupted.

Love,
Philip

Love Letter 5

Dear Daddy,

I really like what Big Brother said about You in Matthew 6. It makes me feel so warm and safe knowing that You are so attentive to my physical needs. You know that for years and years I have had a fear of becoming homeless. And this fear caused me to save all my money. In my mind I was storing up money to build a wall against Your future capricious decision to make me lose my job or lose some limbs. Of course, it was irrational: if You want me to become destitute, there is no defense. So when you called me to quit my job and move to China, this was the hardest decision of my life since my job was the stone factory for my Great Wall.

But five years later, I am still not homeless. Instead, I live very comfortably. And I thank You for this. And I thank You that You asked me to do this very difficult thing and enabled me to follow through.

Thank You that You know what I need--even before I ask; that You clearly stated that I am more valuable to You than birds and flowers; and that You invite me to live an anxiety-free life. Because I know that Your heart is good, I know that this invitation is real. I'm sorry that sometimes I project duplicity onto Your image. You mean what You say. You have no need to manipulate through words, You have no malice to raise hopes so that You can dash them. You are good, and I delight in Your goodness.

Your kingdom sounds like an exciting thing. How do You want me to seek it first today? It sounds so refreshing not to need to worry about the physical needs, but this continges on seeking first Your kingdom. I feel fear raising up. It says, "Since you don't know how to seek His kingdom first, you won't be able to, and so you won't fall under the conditions of this promise." Father, help! There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Thank You that You do love me. I rest in this and know that since You desire for me to enjoy the benefits of this promise, You will equip me to fulfill its conditions. Thank You that You have kind intentions. It makes me want to be close to You. I love You.

Philip

Stinkin' Thinkin' Training

Helpful vocabulary

lie	错误的信念
stutter	结结巴巴地说话
Stinkin' Thinkin'	发恶臭的思路
adversely	不利地，逆向地
weed	杂草
rotting corpse	朽腐的尸体
illustrate	举例说明，阐明
interpretation of data	数据判读
annoy	令人讨厌的
advocating	提倡
counter-behavior	正面的行为
discern	分辨
accountability	互相监督
metaphor	比喻，修辞
formidable foes	难以对付的敌人
vigilance	警戒，警惕性
incarnate truth	真理的化身
alignment with truth	与真理结盟
bounce around in one's head	在大脑中跳来跳去
prime of one's life	生命中最好的一段时间
objective truth	客观真理
vantange point	对看到某某东西有利的位置

Training

Xiao Bai has a bad problem with stuttering. Every day after work, Xiao Bai gets very anxious. He really wants to spend time people, but he is really insecure around people. Since he cannot get up the courage to get together with other people, his typical evening looks like this: He plays computer games until 12 p.m. and then drinks hard liquor by himself until he can fall asleep.

An unhealthy behavior is any behavior that adversely affects our health—whether physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or social health. Most of us have behavior patterns that we know are unhealthy, but we just cannot seem to change them no matter how hard we try. It seems to me that one reason we so often fail to change our behaviors is that we are focusing on the wrong place. The reality is that behaviors are just fruits. If we cut down a weed, it will grow back because we have not removed the root. If we want to change an unhealthy behavior, we need to deal with its root. If behaviors are fruits on a tree, what do you think the root it? The key to overcoming an unhealthy behavior is to identify the lie that energizes the behavior and replace it with the corresponding truth. [克服不健康的行为的秘诀就是先确认这个行为是被哪个错误的信念引起的，再用对应的真理代替它。] I like to describe this as a war against Stinkin' Thinking'.

So what is Stinkin' Thinkin'？ By this I mean that many times the train of thought we want to follow has a big rotting corpse sitting in the middle of the road blocking it, and so we follow a different train of thought that leads us to where we did not really want to go, and our body follows along. [思路这个词很有趣。它本意是"考虑的线索"，但是它也能作为很生动的比喻。我的思路就是我所走的思想之马路。使用这个比喻，我可以这样说：经常我们想要 走的思路上有一个朽腐的尸体阻碍我们的旅程，所以我们走另外一条思路，后来发现到达的地方和我们想要的完全不一样。可惜，我们的行为已经跟着我们的思想到 达同样的地方。] So what are these rotting corpses in our minds? They are beliefs we have that inspire fear. [它们是造成恐惧的信念。] Let's say that I want to strike up a conversation with the girl Xiao Mei but everytime I think about doing that, I remember how Xiao Li refuses to talk to me me. Inwardly, I think that no girl could like me, and I am afraid to try again. The belief that no girl could like you is rotting corpse blocking your train of thought. Our beliefs control us by playing statements over and over in our heads. If one of these statements inspires fear in us, then the belief is a rotting corpse that blocks our progress. What is a fear that stopped you from doing something you wanted to do? There are two quotes that help to illustrate the importance of our thinking:

Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.

播下一种思想，收获一种行为；播下一种行为，收获一种习惯；播下一种习惯，收获一种性格；播下一种性格，收获一种命运。

It all begins with thinking: "Sow a thought, reap an action." If the way that you think about something—even unconsciously—is wrong, it will affect you all the way through to your destiny. The second quote is from the Bible:

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. (Proverbs 23:7)

因为他心怎样思量，他为人就是怎样。" （箴言23：7）

Again, I would dare to say that it is impossible for us to consistently act in a way inconsistent with what we actually believe. [我敢说我们所行的不可能一直都与我们所相信的相违背。] A bad root will always in the end produce bad fruit.

Let's talk about two sources of our beliefs. One source of our beliefs is what other people have said about us: our parents, our teachers, and others whose opinions we considered trustworthy. If our dad frequently said to us, "You are so incompetent: you'll never accomplish anything in life," those words quite likely are still bouncing around in our head unbeknownst to us and influencing us to be afraid to take risks in life. In other words, because our dad whom we trusted said negative things about us, we started to believe them too. Or maybe there was a teacher who in a fit of frustration said, "Why are you so stupid?" The echo of those words quite likely is still bouncing around in our head influencing us to fear trying to learn new things. Because our teacher whom we trusted said negative things about us, we started to believe her. So the first source of our beliefs is the judgments that people we respected made about us. And if that judgment was not accurate, then that belief becomes a rotting corpse producing Stinkin' Thinkin'. I was born when my mom was 40 years old after she was almost finished raising 6 other kids. Once she offhandedly said something to me that implied I was interfering with the time of her life where she had originally intended to rest. This made me think that wherever I go, I take away people's joy. What is something someone you trusted said about you that affected the way you think about yourself?

A second source of our beliefs is our own interpretation of past experiences in our life. The experiences in our life are like raw data: they only have meaning after we interpret them. The problem with interpretations is that they are just that: interpretations, not facts. And when we interpret a situation based on incomplete data, our interpretation will likely be inaccurate. And then the echos of these inaccurate past interpretations will bounce around in our head and lead to faulty thinking. For example, something that frequently happens to me: I go to tell Paul something. He does not smile when he sees me, so I conclude that he thinks I am annoying. Next time I want to tell him something, I decide not to tell him lest I annoy him. The interpretation that Paul thinks I am annoying was made with very little data. Perhaps in reality the reason he did not smile is that he was hungry rather than annoyed. Unfortunately, the damage is done. That interpretation is now bouncing around in my head making me afraid to talk to him. So the second source of our beliefs is the interpretations we make about our past experience, and if that interpretation was not accurate, then that belief becomes a rotting corpse producing Stinkin' Thinkin'. Can anyone think of an interpretation that you once made that later you discovered was wrong?

Let's summarize what we have learned so far: What we believe about ourselves affects us by producing statements that bounce around in our heads. These statements are the echos of things we have heard or thought in the past. A major obstacle to changing our behavior is what I call Stinkin' Thinkin' . Stinkin' Thinkin' happens when incorrect beliefs cause untrue statements to bounce around in our heads, and then these incorrect thoughts control us through fear. As long as incorrect beliefs are behind a behavior, that behavior is nearly impossible to change.

Now, if someone intentionally tells us something that is not correct, what do we call that? A lie. None of us wants to be lied to, and when we learn that we have been lied to, we want to find out the truth as soon as possible. Well, we can think of those incorrect statements that others made about us as lies. The incorrect statements we made about ourselves also were lies. When we realize that we have been lied to and that these lies have been feeding the unhealthy behavior in our lives, this provide motivation to seek out and destroy those lies. And that is exactly what I am advocating. We need to undertake a military campaign in our minds to exterminate the lies that live there. We can do this by intentionally, systematically, and iteratively practicing the following steps:

1. Decide which behavior B you want to change. Xiao Bai wants to make friends instead of wasting his evening playing computer games.
2. Identify the lie L behind B. Xiao Bai believes the lie that he has no value as a person since he stutters. And since he has no value, no one would want to be his friend.
3. Determine what the corresponding truth T is. The truth is that Xiao Bai's value derives from the fact that he is made in God's image, not from his ability to speak.
4. Visualize how a person who consistently believed T would behave. Prepare a list of counter-behaviors Ck. A person who believed that he was valuable because he was made in God's image would courageously make effort to meet people. Maybe he would go to the Bridge, or attend a BIG, or call up a classmate.
5. Each time you realize that you are going in the direction of B, stop dead in your tracks and say out loud, "No, I refuse to believe the lie L. The truth is T". Then instead of doing B, do one of Ck. One night, Xiao Bai comes home from work and turns on his computer. Then he realizes what he is about to do, stops himself and says, "No, I refuse to believe the lie that I have no value because I stutter. The truth is that I am valuable in the site of God." Then he remembers that he met someone at the Bridge Open Day last week and got his phone number. So he calls the guy and suggests they eat dinner together.

Each time we follow these steps, the lie becomes weaker. Eventually, it will die and no longer energize the unhealthy behaviors. But even while we are waiting for one lie to die, we need to simultaneously start attacking the next lie.

As with any military campaign, we need to have weapons. What type of weapons would be helpful to this war?

The most important weapon to have is a source of objective truth. Our goal is to find and kill lies. We cannot do that unless we can recognize the lies. But if we are currently believing a lie, we have no capacity in ourselves to discern it. We cannot rely on our own thoughts and feelings since they are the things that have been tricked by the lie. That is why we need an external source of objective truth. What are some external sources of objective truth? As a Christian, my external source of objective truth is the Bible. I believe that the Bible is the word of God and thus the most reliable source of objective truth. I like these quotes:

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

上帝的道是活泼的，是有功效的，比一切两刃的剑更快，甚至魂与灵、骨节与骨髓，都能刺入、剖开，连心中的思念和主意都能辨明。（希伯来书4：12）

The Bible is like a sword that can cut a clear distinction between the lies we believe and the truth.

God says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Is 55:9)

上帝说，"天怎样高过地，照样，我的道路高过你们的道路，我的意念高过你们的意念。"（以赛亚书55：9）

God has a higher vantage point, so he can clearly see what is true and what is error.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16)

圣经都是上帝所默示的，于教训、督责、使人归正、教导人学义都是有益的。（提摩太后书3：16）

The Bible is the best resource to reprove and correct the mistakes in our thinking.

What external sources of objective truth do you have available in your lives?

The second weapon we need is accountability. It is very easy to continue to believe an old lie because it is very familiar, and the new truth seems like a stranger. We need people in our lives to whom we give permission to say to us, "Hey, I see you doing B again. You're not starting to believe L again are you?" Maybe there are some people who can actually change unhealthy behaviors on their own, but I think most people who claim this are believing another lie about their own abilities. Paul is not only my professional supervisor, but I have also given him permission to supervise my personal life. If he sees an unhealthy behavior pattern, he is empowered to call me into account. Are there people in your life to whom you have given permission to supervise your behaviors? If not, remember one of the services Paul offered was to supervise your personal goals. Goals without accountability most often equals unreached goals.

It might seem a little strange to use a military campaign as a metaphor for this process, but I think that it is accurate. Long held belief are formidable foes. Unless we have the military-style vigilance, we will not likely have lasting change. The Bible also speaks of this process in a military metaphor.

For the weapons of our warfare … have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

我们争战的兵器…...在上帝面前有能力，可以攻破坚固的营垒，将各样的计谋，各样拦阻人认识上帝的那些自高之事一概攻破了，又将人所有的心意夺回，使他都顺服基督。（哥林多后书10：3－5）

Since Jesus was truth incarnate, taking every thought captive to obey Him is the same as bringing our thoughts into alignment with truth. Is anyone willing to join me in this military campaign?

Another helpful metaphor is that of taking off dirty clothes and putting on clean clothes.

You have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. (Eph 4:21-24)

如果你们听过他的道，领了他的教，学了他的真理，就要脱去你们从前行为上的旧人，这旧人是因私欲的迷惑渐渐变坏的。又要将你们的心志改换一新，并且穿上新人，这新人是照著上帝的形像造的，有真理的仁义和圣洁。（以弗所书4：21－24）

It is helpful in step 5 to visualize changing clothes as we replace the lie with the truth and the old behavior with the new. The result will be the renewal of our mind. Does anyone else want to change?

Now let's practice. Each of us share a behavior we want to change, and then try to identify the lie behind it, the corresponding truth, and a counter-behavior.