Thoughts on New Year's Eve

I took the occasion of the day off from work today to look at the blogs of some of my friends today, and I thought to myself, "Why is it so hard for me to write a little bit on my blog?" I decided that there were three factors:

1. I struggle with insecurity about the interestingness of the content. I assume that what people want to see are pictures, not text. But frankly, I am not a visual person. I don't have a camera any more, and even when I did, it felt like I was always taking pictures for other people, not for my sake, and so it became oppressive. If maintaining a blog is to be a positive experience for me, I need just to choose to reject pressure to put pictures.
2. The Great Firewall of China makes it really hard to get to my blog. I have to use multiple proxy servers to reach it, and even then the speed is abysmal. I need a realistic way to make a posting. Well, I discovered today that I could make a posting by sending an email. That is realistic.
3. For some reason I have felt that I need to say something profound in order to justify making a posting. Well, to be honest, I do not often feel profound. Most of the time I live a very ordinary life. But if one motivation for a blog is to provide a sense of connection and continuity for separated friends, then perhaps profundity is not necessary. Furthermore, my English is on the decline. Doing some regular writing in English might help to stem the tide of my English decay.

In light of these observations, I aspire to write a little bit more often. No pictures, just text. Just to let you know what I am up to.

Notwithstanding my profundity disclaimer, I scarcely can resist waxing philosophical on the eve of a new year. So let me share with you what I noticed today in the passages suggested in the Daily Lectionary:

1. 1 Kings 3:5-14. I thought that this was really appropriate for the day. As I look ahead to the upcoming year, I feel a tad overwhelmed. How can I make this year more meaningful than the last? How can I make this year matter more, be a better steward, etc.? I think these thoughts are analogous to those of Solomon when he said:
   
   You have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. And your servant is in the midst of your people whom you have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude. Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?"
   
   I think the short answer is to pray specifically for wisdom. This habit is repeatedly extolled in the Proverbs. I forget to do it, though.
   
2. James 4:13-17. I receive a lot of godly influence from my roommate Paul. He is one who sets goals, and he encourages me to do the same. This passage provides an important context for this wise habit, viz., humility:
   
   Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
   
   Goal setting and planning must be done in an attitude of humility. I am reminded of another passage:
   
   Unless the Yahweh builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Yahweh watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. (Psalm 127:1-2)
   
   I wrote my goals in a hurry on Thursday. I want to revisit them, and see if I can hear how the Spirit is prompting, and then rewrite them.
3. John 5:1-15. This was really good for someone who wants to take advantage of the momentum of a new year to effect change but feels shackled by past failure. Here is a man in bondage to paralysis for 38 years. When Jesus asks him if he wants to be healed, all he could answer was this: "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me." But the tear-jerking good news:
   
   Jesus said to him, "Get up, take up your bed, and walk." And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.
   
   This is a word of hope. 38 years of failure is no match for the word of Christ. Let's all have ears to hear the word of hope and healing that Christ is speaking to us, right now at this very moment.
   

Quotes on Benevolence

Definition: Giving to others' basic needs without having as my motive personal reward.

"That man is worthless who knows how to receive a benefit, but not how to return one."--Plautus (c. 200 B.C.)

"The best portions of a good man's life are his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love."--Anonymous

"'Twas her thinking of others made you think of her."--Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"If you confer a benefit, never remember it; if you receive it, remember it always."--Chilon of Lacedemon (c. 600 B.C.)

"Feel for others--in your pocket."--Charles H. Spurgeon

"Let others' deeds of kindness frankly be revealed; but your own good to others, always keep concealed."--Cato

"Your best resume is not what you write, but how you live."--Anonymous

"You've out-grown that coat, let's give it to someone who can wear it."--Common saying of mothers

"The man who dies rich dies disgraced."--Andrew Carnegie

"If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness."--Cyrus

"Benevolence is the medicine for all ills."--Sa'di

"Faith, like light, should always be simple and unbending; while love, like warmth, should beam forth on every side, and bend to every necessity of our brethren"--Martin Luther

"You can give without loving, but you can not love without giving."--Amy Carmichael

"The knowledge that God has loved me to the uttermost ... will send me forth into the world to love in the same way."--Oswald Chambers

"Love is a weakness in which lies our strength."--C. H. Spurgeon

"One of the world's worst tragedies is that we allow our hearts to shrink until there is room in them for little beside ourselves."--A. W. Tozer

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."--John 3:16

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."--John 13:35

"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."--Romans 5:8

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."--John 15:13

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Corinthian 13:4-8

Thanksgiving Day

My Thanksgiving Day was normal during the work day since it is not a holiday here. However, in the evening I invited all of our employees to eat hot pot with me. We shopped for ingredients, ate, and cleaned up together. Our conversation was also good. I shared with them the story of Squanto: how he had been kidnapped by English speakers and taken to England twice, yet was willing to forgive and help these English-speaking Pilgrims. I cried as I told the story. Then I said that his story had similarities to the story of Joseph and asked if anyone could tell that story (I have told Joseph's story on two different occasions). Jordan, one of our employees, then told Joseph's whole story with great fidelity. I was both amazed and grateful. I had thought that everyone just slept when I told Bible stories. This was the first time that I had any evidence that they paid attention to me. Then I took another risk and asked if someone could tell the stories from Daniel. And Daniel, another employee (to whom I had personally given that English name), told those stories. His memory was less accurate, but I was grateful nonetheless. Afterward, we all talked about what is important to a successful marriage and what qualities we are looking for in a spouse.

As you can see, even though Thanksgiving was no holiday for me, I was still able to see a bit of long-awaited fruit.

Thoughts on Self-Examination

One Sunday morning a while back my business partners and I were holding a devotional time together. Nate read aloud a chapter entitled “The Prayer of Examen” from Richard Foster’s book Prayer: Finding the Heart’ s True Home. One sentence struck me deeply: “Even the pagan philosophers were wiser than this generation. They knew that an unexamined life was not worth living. ‘Know thyself’ is the famous dictum of Socrates.” The whole chapter surprised me to be honest. Here was what seemed a significant spiritual concept of which I had never heard before—despite being raised in the Baptist church for seventeen years and being a Christian for another seventeen years after that. Now, don’ t misunderstand: I had been confessing my sins for years, but they were all my glaringly obvious sins; it never occurred to me to go look for hidden faults. This was a entirely new concept indeed. Furthermore, according to Foster, self-examination not only is a positive thing, but also something to be practiced regularly. I made a mental note that I would like to examine the Scriptures like the Bereans to see whether this in fact was a Biblical concept, but never thought much about it again until last month’ s Communion service. When Luke quoted 1 Corinthians 11:28-30, my ears perked up: “Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died.” Here was a Biblical command to examine oneself. Moreover, since Luke quoted it in Chinese, I heard a word (省) that reminded me of something I read in The Analects of Kǒngzǐ. At this point, I decided to do a survey of Scripture and classical Chinese literature on the topic of self-examination to see what I might learn. I focused on five areas: 1) the types of self-examination: reactive and proactive; 2) its benefits; 3) its special productivity at nighttime; 4) possible standards for examination; and 5) and thoughts about its inclusion in a daily rhythm.

Self-examination often is a reaction to a negative event. Sometimes the event is a personal failure. For example in The Three Kingdoms an official recognized his shortcomings and said the following: “I am of the opinion that it is my duty to use a strict manner when instructing others, not to pay attention to debates over common customs, and to use a heart of benevolence, righteousness, and justice to lead them. Since I cannot so lead, I resign this position in order to earnestly reflect and critically examine myself.” ⁱ Sometimes the event is not a person’s own failure but rather the failure of his associate, implying a sense of responsibility for those in one’s sphere of influence. For example, Hàn History reports this about an official named Yángshòu upon hearing about the behavior of his two brother: “There were two brothers who went to court because of a land dispute. When Yángshòu heard this, he was deeply grieved. That day instead of hearing cases, he merely shut himself up in his room and pondered his mistakes. The whole county did not know what he was doing.”ⁱⁱ Kǒngzǐ taught self-examination in response to other’s failures: “When you meet a man of virtue, learn from him. When you meet a man without virtue, examine yourself to see if you have the same defects as he has.” ⁱⁱⁱSometimes self-examination is in response to other’s criticisms of oneself: “Even though others continuously debate my actions, when I examine my conscience, I find nothing of which to be afraid or ashamed.” ^iv Lastly, self-examination is the suggested response to chronic personal setbacks: “Now, therefore, thus says the Yahweh of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes. Thus says the Yahweh of hosts: Consider your ways.” (Haggai 1:5-7).

Some pro-actively practice self-examination to guard against a threat or to support their pursuit of a goal. The passage from 1 Corinthians quoted above is a good example of this. The threat was the sickness and death resulting from unworthily partaking of Communion. Jesus advocated self-examination against the threat of self-deception: “Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness” (Luke 11:35)^v. Paul advocated it against the threat of counterfeit faith: “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” (2 Corinthians 13:5). Peter also advocated it against the threat of presumption and in support of perseverance: “Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall” (2 Peter 1:10). Zēngzǐ considered his goal so urgent that he said the following: “Every day I examine myself once and again: Have I tried my utmost to help others? Have I been honest to my friends? Have I diligently reviewed the instructions from the Master?” ^vi David wanted to make sure that he was on the path, so he pleaded for Yahweh’s help:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether...
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalm 139:1-4, 23-24).

Numerous benefits are reported as the fruit of self-examination. Kǒngzǐ reported that boldness results from self-examination turning up no offense: “Can a person with a clear conscience ever have any worries or fears?”^vii One king reported that it was the foundation of his successful reign: “I critically examine myself and listen to other’s opinions; as a result, the high officials are all loyal to me. With tolerance toward my counselors, I recognize their abilities, encourage them, and cause them to improve continuously.”^viii Another king reported: “The ability to heed other’s opinions is intelligence, the ability to examine oneself is sagacity, the ability to control oneself is power.” ^ix These benefits are in addition to the ones implied in the previous paragraph on pro-active self-examination, viz., prevailing over threats and fortifying goals.

Both the Scriptures and the Chinese classics pointed out midnight to be an excellent time for self-examination. One Chinese author writes: “When I examine my conscience in the stillness of the night, I find remaining in my heart neither resentment nor grudge toward anyone.” ^x Asaph noted: “I said, ‘Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.’ Then my spirit made a diligent search.” (Psalm 77:6) ^xi On the bed at midnight is actually a common setting for contemplative prayer in the Psalms:

• “Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent” (4:4).

• “I bless the Yahweh who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me” (16:7).

• “By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life” (42:8).

• “My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,when I remember you upon my bed,and meditate on you in the watches of the night” (63:5-6).

From earlier quotes, we get a glimpse of the types of things for which people examine themselves: a heart of benevolence, righteousness, and justice; the absence of grudges or resentment; helpfulness to others; honesty with friends; faithfulness to previous teaching. The 2 Peter 1:10 passage actually refers back to a list of qualities in the preceding verses 5 – 7: faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love. Although not explicitly in the context of self-examination, the Scriptures provides several other lists that could be used productively in self-examination. These include the following:

• The Decalogue (Exodus 20:1-17; Deuteronomy 5:6-21)

• The Deuteronomic Requirements (Deuteronomy 10:12-13)

• Requirements to dwell on God’s holy hill (Psalm 15)

• The Micah Requirements (Micah 6:8)

• That which defiles a person (Mark 7:20-23)

• The Greatest Commandments (Mark 12:28-31)

• The evidences of depravity (Romans 1:28-32)

• The works of the flesh and fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:19-23)

• The Corinthian exclusion (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

• The Gehenna role call (Revelation 21:8)

• The Timothean requirements for overseers and deacons (1 Timothy 3:1-13)

• The Titian requirements for elders and overseers (Titus 1:5-9)

No where do the Scriptures prescribe a frequency for self-examination; however, I observe especially in the Old Testament, valuable practices had well-defined rhythms. There were three types of rhythms: 7-based rhythms, annual rhythms, and daily rhythms. Examples of 7-based rhythms are the weekly Sabbath, the New Moon festival (every four weeks), the sabbath year, and the year of Jubilee. Examples of annual rhythms are Tabernacles, Passover, Pentecost, and Day of Atonement. From the perspective of self-examination, the daily rhythms are the most instructive. Here are examples of things that occurred on a daily basis (sometimes multiple times a day):

• The morning gathering of manna (Exodus 16:21)

• Morning and evening sacrifices (Exodus 29:38-46)

• David and Daniel prayed thrice per day (Psalm 55:17; Daniel 6:10)

• The Lord daily bears the burdens of his people (Psalm 68:19)

• Another psalmist praised seven times per day (Psalm 119:164)

• The Suffering Servant received new revelation each morning (Isaiah 50:4)
  
  

• Jesus taught His disciples to daily pray for bread (Matthew 6:11; Luke 11:3)
  

But some daily habits naturally could co-occur with self-examination. For example, Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23). Since following Jesus requires a daily taking up of a cross, I see a daily self-examination as useful to assess how effectively one put off the old man and put on the new man. A sobering verse is this one: “God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day” (Psalm 7:11). If God daily feels indignant, it makes sense daily to assess whether my actions and attitudes have contributed to this. The author of Hebrews warned this way: “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called ‘today,’ that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.” (Hebrews 3:12-14). Again, since sin is actively and daily deceitful, we need to take daily safeguards against it through mutual exhortation and, I propose, self-examination. Lastly, consider Psalm 101, in which David outlines the steps that he will personally take as king to rid his kingdom of unrighteousness and injustice. The whole Psalm could serve as another standard of self-examination, but verse 8 is particularly relevant to the topic at hand: “Morning by morning I will destroy all the wicked in the land, cutting off all the evildoers from the city of the Yahweh.” Now, most of us are not kings of physical territory; however, God has made us His stewards and has given us a kingdom to rule as His representatives. That kingdom includes most basically our own bodies and souls, but also extends to all our realms of influence. I think that it is consistent with the spirit of David here then to say that it is beneficial each day to spend time to examine and eradicate the evil in our bodies, the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

This concludes the report of the research I did. I do not have much of a conclusion at this point. I am still trying to work out the personal application. The point of my writing this report was to collect in one place the material I found on these five areas. My hope is to turn this into a coherent teaching at some in the future.

Footnotes

i《三国志·蜀志·来敏传》“坐事去职”裴松之注引《诸葛亮集》：“自谓能以敦厉薄俗，帅之以义。今既不能，表退职，使闭门思愆。”

ii《汉书·韩延寿传》：“民有昆弟相与讼田自言，延寿大伤之……是日移病不听事，因入卧传舍，闭阁思过，一县莫知所为。”

iii《论语4：17》“子曰：‘见贤思齐焉；见不贤而内自省也。’”

iv 唐·白居易《和梦游春》诗：“扪心无愧畏，腾口有谤讟。”

vThe theme of self-examination is stronger in the 和合本：“所以，你要省察，恐怕你里头的光或者黑暗了。”

vi《论语1：4》“曾子曰：‘吾日三省吾身─为人谋而不忠乎？与朋友交而不信乎？传不习乎？’”

vii《论语12：4》“子曰：‘内省不疚，夫何忧何惧？’”

viii《后汉书·王允传》：“夫内视反听，则忠臣竭诚；宽贤务能，则义士厉节。”

ix《史记·商君列传8》：“反听之谓聪，内视之谓明，自胜之谓强。”

x明·茅维《闹门神》：“倘清夜扪心，原无芥蒂。”

xiThe theme of self-examination is stronger in the 和合本: “我想起我夜间的歌曲，扪心自问，我心里也仔细省察。”

Goodbyes and Greetings

Last Friday was the last day that one of our interns worked for us. His name is Clive, and he will be heading to graduate school in Beijing. I will miss him a lot. Here are two pictures of our team:




































Also, another associate of Jian Hua has opened up has opened up a Dutch cheese factory in China. In addition to providing poor Chinese farmers a skill and work, this is a very welcome service for us cheese-starved foreigners. I ordered by first wheel last week, and it arrived in the mail today. I was so excited that I guess my was perhaps a little emotional. One of our employees drew this picture to poke fun at my emotional response to cheese:

Training on Forgiveness

I gave a talk this week at our lifeskill training session on forgiveness. I used the story of Joseph to illustrate the point. If you read Chinese, you can peruse the prepared text below.


我给饶恕下定义为“不去追究那些得罪我的人而且不怀恨他们。”

从前在迦南地，亦即现代的以色列，有一户叫雅各的人家。当时一夫多妻很流 行，他的四个妻子给他生了十二个儿子。他的儿子中，有一个叫约瑟，雅各特别偏爱。为什么呢？因为约瑟是雅各爱妻的大儿子。雅各很明显地偏待约瑟，还做了一 件色彩缤纷的新衣服给约瑟，其他的弟兄都没有。而这件彩衣不断地提醒约瑟的哥哥们，雅各爱约瑟胜过爱他们，所以哥哥们讨厌约瑟。更糟的是约瑟有时做很奇怪 的梦。有一次，约瑟梦见他和哥哥们都在田里捆庄稼，约瑟所捆的庄稼自动地站在中间，哥哥们所捆的庄稼却围着约瑟的的下拜。另外一次约瑟梦到太阳、月亮、和十一个星星都向他下拜。 你可以想象一下，约瑟和哥哥们分享这些梦的时候，他们更加恨他。父亲偏爱约瑟已经让他们很不高兴了，听到约瑟将来要做他们的主人，哥哥们对约瑟的憎恨更深 了。

终于有一天雅各不在家，哥哥们决定再也不忍受约瑟，于是绑架了他并卖给一支刚好朝他们走近的商队。你知道哥哥们怎么向父亲交代么？他们杀了一只小羊，把血染在约瑟的彩衣上，然后送去给父亲。雅各以为约瑟被野兽吃了。

商 人将约瑟带到了埃及，卖给法老王的一名大臣，名叫波提乏。我们会很自然地产生这样的想法：约瑟一定对此感到生气和愤怒，并带着这样的情绪度过余生。但是这 样的情况没有发生。为什么呢？因为约瑟敬畏上帝、知道唯有上帝具有论断人的权力，所以约瑟心里放弃了他论断哥哥们的权力而且饶恕了他们。因为圣经说：“你 们不可论断他人，要爱人如己。”这个决定使他成为波提乏最忠诚的仆人。结果呢？

耶和华与约瑟同在，约瑟就事事顺利......波提乏把自己所有的 一切，都交在约瑟的手里。除了自己所吃的饭以外，其他的事他一概不管。（创世纪39：2－6）

过些时日波提乏的妻子迷恋上约瑟并要求约瑟和她同寝。因为约瑟敬畏上帝，所以他坚定地回绝了。他说：

你看，家中的事主人一概不管；他把所有的一切，都交在我的手里。在这家里没有比我大的。除你以外，我主人没有留下一样不交给我，因为你是他的妻子。我怎可以作这极恶的事，得罪上帝呢？（创世纪39：8－9）

波提乏的妻子虽然天天都这样诱惑约瑟，约瑟却不仅不愿意通奸，而且连和她单独在一起都不愿意。对于约瑟多次的拒绝，波提乏的妻子感到很生气，因此决定要惩罚他：于是就向他的丈夫诬告约瑟，说约瑟戏弄她，波提乏相信他妻子，就把约瑟关了在监里。

你可以想像，对约瑟来说，这是一个严重的打击。约瑟本来可以因为主人妻子诽谤的话语，就变得懒惰、愤懑，且没有爱心。可是因为约瑟敬畏上帝，他饶恕了波提乏夫妻。结果呢？

耶和华与约瑟同在，向他施慈爱，使他得到监狱长的欢心。因此，监狱长把监里所有的囚犯都交在约瑟手里；他们在那里所作的一切事务，都由约瑟负责处理。凡交在约瑟手里的事务，监狱长一概不过问；因为耶和华与约瑟同在，使他所作的尽都顺利。（创世纪39：21－23）

约 瑟每天都送饭给囚犯们，其中有两个是法老王的大官。约瑟有一天去看他们的时候，见他们正在发愁。他们说他俩各做了一个奇怪的梦，只是不知怎么解梦，所以烦 恼。约瑟回答道：“解梦不是出于上帝吗？请把梦告诉我吧。”他们分别告诉约瑟自己的梦，然后约瑟一一解释给他们听。在约瑟解释完他们三天后会出狱的梦，约 瑟请他们向法老王求情，并告诉法老自己是因为被诬蔑而坐牢的 。请法老王可以放他出去。三天后，所有的事情都如约瑟所预言的那样，大官们出狱了。但不幸的是，两位大官完全忘记了约瑟交代的这件事情。约瑟完全可以怨恨 他们，但是相反，他没有，因为他敬畏上帝。 于是他继续做监狱长忠实的仆人。

两年后，法老王曾被自己所做的两个梦困扰着，巫师和一些智慧 之士都不会解释他的梦。突然那个健忘的大臣想起了约瑟会解梦，就将此事告诉法老王。于是约瑟被召出狱，来到法老王面前。法老王问约瑟是否会解梦时，他回 答：“解梦不在于我，但上帝必给法老一个吉祥的解答。”于是法老王将梦告诉了约瑟，约瑟解释道： “上帝要作的事，他已经向法老显明了。看哪，埃及全地必有七年大丰收。接着又必有七年饥荒；甚至埃及地所有的丰收都被人忘记了，饥荒必把这地毁灭。因为接 着而来的饥荒太严重了，使人不觉得这地有过丰收。" 当法老王听到约瑟的解释后，他下意识地感觉到约瑟说的是正确的并同时出乎意料地让他担任宰相，要他负责管理粮仓为七年后的饥荒做准备。

当约瑟饶恕那 些曾伤害他的人时，他也对法老王及这个国家更忠心。他的内心没有苦毒怨恨，他把百姓的利益放在自己的利益之上。饥荒是件可怕的事情，但是埃及人民并没有遭 受到饥饿，因为约瑟早有准备。他将这件事情管理得很好。当饥荒来到时，周围的国家也受到了影响，但是埃及却仍然有着充足的粮食。于是其他国家的人们便来到 埃及购买粮食。

而很讽刺的是，有一天约瑟的十个哥哥来到埃及买粮食，他们以为约瑟还在埃及当奴隶，他们根本认不出那个正在和他们说话的人 就是约瑟。约瑟想到了那个自己曾做过的哥哥们向他下跪的梦，最后约瑟表明了自己的身份对他们说：“ 我就是被你们卖到埃及的弟弟约瑟。现在你们不要因为把我卖到这里来，而感到自责。这原是上帝差派我在你们之前来到这里，为要保全性命。现在这地的饥荒已经 有两年了，还有五年不能耕种，也没有收成。上帝差派我在你们之前来这到里，为要给你们在地上留下余种，大大施行拯救，保全你们的性命。这样看来，差派我到 这里来的，不是你们，而是上帝。他立我作法老之父，作他全家之主，又作全埃及地的首相。你们要赶快上到我父亲那里去，对他说：‘你的儿子约瑟这样说：上帝 立我作了全埃及的主；请你下到我这里来，不要耽搁。你和你的众儿孙、牛羊，以及你一切所有的，都可以住在歌珊地，与我相近。我要在那里供养你，因为还有五 年的饥 荒，免得你和你的家人，以及你一切所有的，都陷入穷困里。’”

哥哥们回到迦南告诉父亲这件事情，然后雅各及他的妻子，孩子，孙子 们共70人全都来到了埃及。在这么多年后，约瑟终于见到了他深爱的父亲。十七年后父亲去世了，约瑟的哥哥们感到很害怕。他们担心约瑟会向他们报仇。父亲走 了，谁可以保护他们呢？于是他们写了一封信给约瑟，忏悔他们以前的行为。约瑟在回信中写道：”你们不要害怕，我怎能代替上帝呢？从前你们有意要害我，但上 帝有美好的意思在其中，为要成就今日的光景，使许多人的性命得以保全。现在你们不要害怕，我必供养你们和你们的孩子。

如果你们饶恕别人的过犯，你们的天父也必饶恕你们。如果你们不饶恕别人，你们的父也必不饶恕你们的过犯。”（太5：14－15）

The Secret to Happiness

I gave a speech at the Bridge yesterday. I thought it went really well, so I will reproduce the text here:

As Lipu brought out so clearly, it is foolish merely to pursue the things that make us happy here and now. Furthermore, it is actually a sign of wisdom to prepare in advance for our final--and eternal--stage of life. This naturally leads us to the question how to prepare for eternal happiness. Before we talk about that, I want to make a few things clear: 1) When I say happiness, I do not mean the happiness that only begins at some point in the future after you die; instead, I mean happiness that begins now and continues even after you die. 2) When I say happiness, I don't just mean good feelings. I mean something much bigger than this. In fact, I am going to switch to the word joy instead of happiness, and when I say joy, I mean the following: "the character quality of maintaining a good attitude even when faced with unpleasant conditions". Now let's return to the topic of preparing for eternal joy. I believe that joy depends on two things: a purpose and a faith. Let's talk about each of these in turn.

Why is purpose important? Firstly, purpose gives meaning to suffering. None of us likes to suffer, but we all will experience suffering in our lives. However, if our suffering results from the pursuit of our goal, then it is much more bearable. Athlete sometimes boast about how many bones they have broken in pursuit of winning a game. Suffering can even be a source of honor. We honor those who give their lives for their country. On the other hand, if we suffer just because we were being careless, this is much less bearable--like if you are hit by a car because you did not wait for the green light to cross the street. When we suffer for our mistakes, it feels meaningless. If we suffer because we were diligently pursuing a worthy goal, it feels meaningful. Like the Bible says:

Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. (1 Pet 2:20)

The second reason that purpose is important is that it gives me a higher perspective when facing difficulties. There is a Chinese saying, "不识庐山真面目，只缘身在此山中。" When I am in the middle of a situation, it is hard to have a clear perspective. However, with a purpose bigger than myself, I can objectively assess the difficulty and find courage to persevere. With a purpose, I can realize that difficulties are "just par for the course" and "take them in stride". However, without such a purpose, I will just want to give up. So we clearly see that the first thing upon which joy depends is purpose in life. Why? It gives meaning to suffering, and it provides perspective when facing difficulties.

The second thing that joy depends on is faith. I define faith to mean this: "confidence that actions rooted in good character will yield the best outcome, even when I cannot see how". Faith provides the reason to persevere in doing what is right even when facing difficulties. Without it, there is no rational argument to persevere. I mean, if there is no guaranteed reward for living a life of loving my neighbor as myself, why bother? Of course, this definition of faith assumes that your goals are good as well as the actions you take to pursue them.
This is an important point. Not all goals are created equal. The quality of your goal directly affects your joy. Just having a goal is not enough; you need a goal big enough to eclipse the trials endured in its pursuit. If I set the goal to taste every flavor of every brand of ice cream in the world, that is a big goal, but is it a quality goal? I don't think so. In general a goal that merely pursues the gratification of our own desires does not hold up under pressure. However, goals that focus on meeting the needs of others tend to inspire us to greatness.

You may ask what is the rational basis for my confidence that actions rooted in good character will yield the best outcome, even when I cannot see how? Because I believe in a personal Creator God who is perfectly wise, powerful, loving, and just, I have this confidence. In the Bible, God promises that:

He will judge everyone according to what they have done. He will give eternal life to those who keep on doing good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers. But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and instead live lives of wickedness. (Rom 2:6-8)

So then, put as simply as possible, the secret to eternal joy is this: 1) to dedicate yourself to a high-quality, eternal goal and 2) to pursue that goal with a rational confidence. Now you may ask, "What exactly is an eternal goal?" Let me answer that by describing Lipu's and my daily life.

First of all, both of us have a very clear life purpose. We believe that the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. So this is our life goal. Now "glorify God by enjoying Him forever" is a bit abstract, so let's try to break it down. The glory of God is the beauty of his manifold perfections. Think of a diamond. A cut diamond has many, many surfaces, and each one reflects the light in its own beautiful way. God is like this. His every character trait is perfect, flawless. Perfectly loving, perfectly just, perfectly wise, perfectly powerful, etc. And each one of these character traits, when you seriously meditate on it, you discover that this is what makes God beautiful. Okay, now this is what "the glory of God" is. Now, what does it mean "to glorify God"? Let's say that you are in a submarine and there is a diamond in a boat on the surface of the water. How can you see it? With the periscope. The periscope has a series of mirrors that reflect the light so that you can see the diamond even around a corner. That is what I want to do with my life. I want people to see and admire God's beauty. However, since he is usually invisible, I use my life--my decisions, my actions, my attitudes--to reflect his beauty. Specifically, as I love my neighbor as myself, others are able to see a little glimpse of God's love for people; as I delight in and invest in my relationship with God, others are able to see his loveliness.

Back to Lipu and me, our goal then is to glorify God by enjoying him forever. So, practically speaking, how do we pursue this high-quality, eternal goal? Well, in fact, our whole day revolves around it. It starts every morning at 5:30 a.m. when we get up to read the Bible, to sing songs of worship to our God, and to pray together. For those who do not have these habits, they might sound like a drudgery. But actually for us, these practices both lay the foundation for our daily joy as well as provide a means to express that joy. These two verses describe the joy we feel as we study the Bible and sing songs of worship to God:

Oh, how I love your instructions!
I think about them all day long.

How sweet your words taste to me;
they are sweeter than honey. (Ps 119:97, 103)

How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
I long, yes, I faint with longing
to enter the courts of the Lord.
With my whole being, body and soul,
I will shout joyfully to the living God (Ps 84:1-2)

Then when we start to work, we know that what we are doing is not for ourselves, but for God’s glory. So whenever we face difficulties, we know that we don’t need to give up, because God will provide a solution for us as long as we ask. During the week, we spend time to eat with friends to tell them about our God. And every weekend we come to the Bridge to spend time with other Christian brothers and sisters. We share our joy and encourage each other. You see that 24/7 we are heading towards our high-quality, eternal purpose of glorifying God by enjoying Him forever. And we have faith that every single activity we do both pursues that goal as well as sustains our eternal joyfulness.

I want to close now by encouraging each of you to consider well what your life goal is. Your goal and your faith are the secret to joyfulness--both now and at the last stage of your life. Do you still remember that Lipu talked about Judgment Day a few minutes ago? Jesus said said that on Judgment day, God will speak one of two sentences to each person. That sentence will determine whether you experience eternal joy or eternal sorrow in your last stage of life:

Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! (Matt 25:23)

You wicked and lazy servant! ... throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Matt 25:26, 30)

Which sentence do you want to hear when you meet the Lord Jesus Christ on Judgment Day? I hope that each one of us cultivate a strong, eternal desire for joy and that we pursue it relentlessly. Only if we joyfully prepare now for that last stage of life can we have eternal joy. Please consider whether you have the high-quality, eternal goal and faith that can sustain your joy now and forever. If you do, nothing can stand between you and joy.

Latest Bout of Illness

The last two weeks have been challenging physically. If you are interested in details, please read on.

On July 19, I wrote the following and asked our administrative assistant to translate it into Chinese for use when I went to the doctor the next day:

July 14, I woke up with a bad headache and pain in my abdomen
July 15, the headache was gone, but the pain in abdomen remained. Could not sleep this evening at all.
July 15 - 19. Daily pain in my abdomen with difficulty sleeping at night.

No diarrhea, no nausea, no fever, no cough, no sore throat, no runny nose.

Because of the pain, I have eaten less. Thus, my bowel movements are less than usual but still daily.

Pain is quite strong immediately upon waking up in the morning as well as during and after eating. The feeling of the pain is similar to that of unreleased flatulence except that this pain is higher, i.e., not in the colon. During this time, I have not had any more or less flatulence than usual.

Abdomen is sensitive to touch.

I went to the doctor. He ran a blood test to confirm that it was not appendicitis, diagnosed me with "GI function disorder" (胃肠功能紊乱), and prescribed two "western" medicines and a Chinese medicine. The "western" medicines ended up being the homeopathic Belladonna Tincture (颠茄合剂) and Bacillus Licheniformis Capsule (地衣芽孢杆菌胶囊). After some web research, I discovered that Belladonna is also known as Deadly Nightshade and known for its poisoning properties. At first, I assumed that the Bacillus Licheniformis was just another beneficial intestinal bacteria like acidophillus or lactobacillus. Then I looked on the web and decided that it was not really the innocent probiotic that I thought. I felt let down by the doctor.

I made no improvement and went back to the hospital on July 23. This time a medical student friend took me to secretly see her teacher. He ordered an ultrasound, more blood tests, urine test, stool test. The stool test was quite difficult since I had already stopped eating for several days due to the pain. I collected as many test reports as were already processed and went back to see the doctor. He looked at the reports and said the diagnosis was difficult. However, since my serum amylase (淀粉酶) was 718.0 u/l when it should be between 32.0 and 641.0, perhaps I had pancreatitis. Two tests were not going to be ready until 4:30 p.m., but he said that they were not going to add any relevant insight into the problem, so I did not need to bother to pick them up. He prescribed two Chinese medicines as well as two western medicines: Sodium Rabeprazole and Pinaverium Bromide.

Not picking up my tests did not sit well with me since I had paid for those tests, so I had our administrative assistant pick them up the next morning--just in case. I continued not to have improvement, so on July 26 I went back to the hospital. I pulled out those two last reports and said, "Do you want to see them?" He glanced at them and admitted that they were important. They showed that I had pus in my stool and that my dynamic ESR (动态血沉) was at 100.0 mm/h instead of the normal between 0.0 and 15.0---seven times higher than normal. He immediately ordered a colonoscopy under general anesthesia, and gave me a prescription to help me clean out my bowels in the next six hours. The pharmacist handed me two IV bags of Mannitol Injection, and I went home to "prepare". I was truly confused. I did not know if I was supposed to shoot it up, use it as an enema, or drink it. Remember, I am doing everything in Chinese. In the end, I decided to drink it, and that was correct, for my bowel was quite clear within six hours

I was not quite sure how I would get back to the hospital without continuing the catharsis en route. So I stuffed my underwear with towels and hailed a taxi. I told him, “我比较赶时间，请开快点儿” (I'm relatively in a hurry, please drive a little fast). This is a dangerous request because taxi rides are already harrowing experiences in China. I made it to the hospital without an accident of either type.

I felt some anxiety about the anesthesia, but committed the occasion into God's hands, and went under. As soon as I came to, I began asking questions in Chinese. In retrospect, I am really proud of my Chinese--I can communicate even if I am dull-headed with anesthesia. The doctor said that my ileo-cecal valve was bleeding and inflamed (回盲瓣炎), but that it was so close to my appendix that he could not know for sure that my appendix was unaffected, so he ordered another immediate sonogram. After confirming for the third time that it was not appendicitis, he handed me a prescription for levofloxacine and tinidazole and disappeared.

I felt disappointed because all I know is that I have this problem and I do not know what caused it or all the other pains I had earlier on. This inflamed valve cannot account for the full abdominal pains I was having earlier. It only accounts for the very localized pain right next to my appendix. I do not know anything about prognosis or prevention or anything. If anyone medical can assist, please post a comment!

And Can It Be

Last week, I ordered a series of CD's as a birthday gift from my mom. They all were hymns set to baroque style music. The series is called To God All Praise and Glory . I highly recommend them.

This morning as I was worshiping with them, I heard "And Can It Be", so I went to Cyberhymnal to get the lyrics. And lo and behold, I discovered that there were SIX verses to the hymn. In my whole life, I had only every seen five of them. And what a powerful verse too! Look at it:

Still the small inward voice I hear,
That whispers all my sins forgiven;
Still the atoning blood is near,
That quenched the wrath of hostile Heaven.
I feel the life His wounds impart;
I feel the Savior in my heart.
I feel the life His wounds impart;
I feel the Savior in my heart.

What an amazing verse! I, of course, see the reason that it would never be included in a modern hymnal since we cannot discuss the wrath of hostile Heaven. However, even if we cannot discuss it, I certainly have felt it and immediately identified with Wesley's sentiments. His wording is reminiscent of two poems I wrote when I was attending Moody Bible Institute, which I will reproduce below:

With terror I approach the Sinai Mount
As clouds of coal obstruct the sunshine rays.
While lightning lunges from its fi’ry fount,
A thund’rous trumpet blasts my speechless gaze.
A Lamb appears, Who climbs the mountainside.
He proffers blood drawn from His mangled back:
Behind this cover, please, I ask you hide
Lest seeing sin, my Father plans attack.
I heed, and all the dreadful sight dissolves.
The glor’ous temple now my orbs perceive.
A bloody mercy seat th’ offense absolves.
The Father, Son through Spirit me receive.
This covenant anew assures no less
Their mercy toward my gross unrighteousness.

AND

From Adam’s lapse an heir I fell to sin.
Its virulent corruption seized my soul.
Against its rape of death I could not win.
My punctured heart despaired of life’s true goal.
Condemned beyond all mercy there I stood.
So mired were they, my hands dripped loathsome guilt.
The charge was read; my tongue was parchèd wood.
One stone had felled the fortress that I’d built.
The Son emerged in radiant attire.
He bared His back revealing stripes He’d borne:
Hear now these wounds that plead your case so dire.
I’ll give My righteousness to you adorn.
O shout for joy, you stars who saw this act,
For Christ’s own blood has signed th’ adoption pact.

Resolutions

Wow, it has been seven months since I last posted! Part of the issue is that my camera broke, so I no longer can provide pictures, which I figured that people would expect from me. So, I reasoned, provide nothing rather than provide something substandard. Another reason is that I suffer from repetitive stress syndrome in my hands, so I try to minimize my typing (very hard for a software engineer). But I noticed today that my hands were feeling better, so today I decided to share what I was thinking about.

Specifically, I was meditating on Jonathan Edwards Resolutions. And I decided to write my own resolutions, reflecting my current state of life. On the side, today I discovered the ESV translation of the Bible. It seems really nice, so I think that I might switch from NASB to it. Today is the first time that I shall have quoted from the ESV. Anyway, here are my resolutions:

The Resolutions of Philip L. Hallstrom

1. Resolved, every day before retiring, to reflect upon the events of the day through the prayer of examen and to invite the Holy Spirit to "search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" (Psalm 139: 23-24). Specifically, to examine against these criteria:
1. "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." (John Piper)
2. "In acting on behalf of others, have I always been loyal to their interests? In intercourse with friends, have I always been true to my word? Have I failed to repeat the precepts that have been handed down to me" (Kongzi)
3. The Decalogue (Exod 20: 1-17)
1. "You shall have no other gods before me."
2. "You shall not make for yourself a carved image."
3. "You shall not take the name of Yahweh your God in vain."
4. "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy."
5. "Honor your father and your mother."
6. "You shall not murder."
7. "You shall not commit adultery."
8. "You shall not steal."
9. "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
10. "You shall not covet…anything that is your neighbor's."
4. "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?" (Job 31:1)
5. "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does Yahweh require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8)
6. "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength…You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:30-31)
2. Resolved, to remain ever conscious that the enemy of my soul engages me in a mortal battle, and sober-mindedly to make choices that reflect the gravity of this fact:
1. "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Pet 5:8)
2. "But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief. For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation." (1 Thess 5:4-8)
3. "As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." (2 Tim 4:5)
   
4. "Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Pet 1:13)
5. "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers." (1 Pet 4:7)
3. Resolved, in light of the fact that my body is not my own but the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19-20), to use my body exclusively for the glory of God:
   
1. "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." (Matt 5:29-30)
2. "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)
3. "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." (Rom 12:1)
   
4. "So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." (1 Cor 9:26-27)
5. "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming." (Col 3:5-6)
4. Resolved, to live a disciplined, temperate, and healthy lifestyle:
1. Each day, arising no later than 5 a.m. and, barring ministry opportunities, retiring no later than 10 p.m.
2. Each day to spend time worshiping through song.
3. Each morning after exercising and showering, to "get my soul into a happy state" (George Mueller) by meditating on the word of God.
4. Each evening before retiring, to "cleanse my mind" (Bill Gothard) by meditating on the word of God.
5. Each week to fast at least three meals.
6. To abstain from stimulants and depressants.
7. To abstain from animal products, excluding cheese on celebratory occasions and mosaically clean fish (Deut 14: 9-19) on occasion.
8. Each week, to memorize one paragraph from the Chinese Bible.
9. Each day, to spend at least 15 minutes reading Chinese aloud.
   

Christmas Carol Party