Love Letter 5

Dear Daddy,

I really like what Big Brother said about You in Matthew 6. It makes me feel so warm and safe knowing that You are so attentive to my physical needs. You know that for years and years I have had a fear of becoming homeless. And this fear caused me to save all my money. In my mind I was storing up money to build a wall against Your future capricious decision to make me lose my job or lose some limbs. Of course, it was irrational: if You want me to become destitute, there is no defense. So when you called me to quit my job and move to China, this was the hardest decision of my life since my job was the stone factory for my Great Wall.

But five years later, I am still not homeless. Instead, I live very comfortably. And I thank You for this. And I thank You that You asked me to do this very difficult thing and enabled me to follow through.

Thank You that You know what I need--even before I ask; that You clearly stated that I am more valuable to You than birds and flowers; and that You invite me to live an anxiety-free life. Because I know that Your heart is good, I know that this invitation is real. I'm sorry that sometimes I project duplicity onto Your image. You mean what You say. You have no need to manipulate through words, You have no malice to raise hopes so that You can dash them. You are good, and I delight in Your goodness.

Your kingdom sounds like an exciting thing. How do You want me to seek it first today? It sounds so refreshing not to need to worry about the physical needs, but this continges on seeking first Your kingdom. I feel fear raising up. It says, "Since you don't know how to seek His kingdom first, you won't be able to, and so you won't fall under the conditions of this promise." Father, help! There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Thank You that You do love me. I rest in this and know that since You desire for me to enjoy the benefits of this promise, You will equip me to fulfill its conditions. Thank You that You have kind intentions. It makes me want to be close to You. I love You.

Philip